TO: Ms. Moody
FROM: Julia Rice
September 15, 2009
Through the peer review, I received some very good constructive criticism. Andrew, who reviewed the introduction to my memoir, wrote that I did not need much improvement my introduction, and that it engaged him so he is now eager to read about the rest of my experience in Turkey. Though Andrew thought I wrote my beginning well, he made a comment about making the universal meaning of my more apparent in my introduction. While the main meaning of my narrative developed as my trip continued, I think I can at least start to mention it. I can try to incorporate more of my feelings throughout the beginning of my exchange in my first paragraph. This can then help the reader more fully understand my reasons and reactions to everything that is forthcoming in the memoir. I really want my readers to understand the mental journey I took while I was in Turkey, changing from a close-minded American to an experienced world traveler. Another change I can make to my introduction paragraph is adding more dialogue, since the only piece I have is really just something I thought. A few things I would like to talk about in the base of my memoir include the different excursions I took with my host family, the many Turkish people I met and became friends with, the journey my relationship with Ferda took, and some information on the country of Turkey to give my reader more background information. My host parents, Macit and Shenaz, were very welcoming people, and wanted to make sure I had the best time possible while I was with them. So to make certain this happened, they took me to many different historical places located in Turkey, including Ephesus, and the Virgin Mary’s home. Macit and Shenaz we’re very critical pieces in my mental refining throughout the summer. In the last paragraph I will conclude my trip to Turkey. I will explain how my opinions about the Turkish country and culture, and all other cultures for that matter, changed while staying with a Muslim family.
FROM: Julia Rice
September 15, 2009
Through the peer review, I received some very good constructive criticism. Andrew, who reviewed the introduction to my memoir, wrote that I did not need much improvement my introduction, and that it engaged him so he is now eager to read about the rest of my experience in Turkey. Though Andrew thought I wrote my beginning well, he made a comment about making the universal meaning of my more apparent in my introduction. While the main meaning of my narrative developed as my trip continued, I think I can at least start to mention it. I can try to incorporate more of my feelings throughout the beginning of my exchange in my first paragraph. This can then help the reader more fully understand my reasons and reactions to everything that is forthcoming in the memoir. I really want my readers to understand the mental journey I took while I was in Turkey, changing from a close-minded American to an experienced world traveler. Another change I can make to my introduction paragraph is adding more dialogue, since the only piece I have is really just something I thought. A few things I would like to talk about in the base of my memoir include the different excursions I took with my host family, the many Turkish people I met and became friends with, the journey my relationship with Ferda took, and some information on the country of Turkey to give my reader more background information. My host parents, Macit and Shenaz, were very welcoming people, and wanted to make sure I had the best time possible while I was with them. So to make certain this happened, they took me to many different historical places located in Turkey, including Ephesus, and the Virgin Mary’s home. Macit and Shenaz we’re very critical pieces in my mental refining throughout the summer. In the last paragraph I will conclude my trip to Turkey. I will explain how my opinions about the Turkish country and culture, and all other cultures for that matter, changed while staying with a Muslim family.
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